mental health Sundays #13 - major depressive disorder


“I was diagnosed with major depression in college. That was after 2 suicide attempts (which I have hid for years) and a long time of not having the proper care I needed. I wish I had someone to talk to who has experienced what I have, but I have yet to meet someone. If any of this resonates with you please know I see you.

My family has been fostering kids since I was very young and still do. I saw a lot of trauma as a child through the lives of other children in my home. I knew a toddler was sexually abused by her family member. I tried to rock to sleep a child born addicted to drugs who would scream herself to sleep. I had my room almost set on fire by an elementary school boy.

When you see stuff like that everyday, nothing feels good and I didn’t think there was much in this world that wasn’t horrific. At the same time I was constantly told to be happy by those around me. I’m so blessed I didn’t experience that they did. I don’t have parents who abused me. I have food and a house and parents. What could I possibly ever be sad about. My family was praised by the community. They were doing such a great thing.

It’s hard to argue with those statements and feelings when you are a child or teenager. It’s even still hard for me as an adult. So when I started spiraling I never told anyone. I didn’t want to worry them. What did I have to complain about? But I needed help. I needed someone to notice but no one did.

I don’t know how I made it to where I am now. I wish there was a moment when things shifted and got better, but I got so low there was really no where to go but up. I should have been dead a long time ago but I’m not. I’m here and I don’t intend for my life to end anytime soon.” - anonymous