mental health Sundays #4 - major depressive disorder


“It took me a long time to believe I was actually depressed. And to actually feel like I “deserved” to be depressed (which in itself is a confusing concept). I knew I wasn’t right inside myself but in my mind depression was DARK. People describe it as drowning, or seeing everything in B&W so it was hard for me to notice it when it slowly crept upon me. It wasn’t until I started going to group therapy that I started to come to terms with my “depression.”

My depression manifests itself as: A constant negative voice in my head, automatically thinking about self harming & wanting to die when I get sad, my self confidence is abysmal and I’m super super sensitive towards anything that threatens it, constantly tired, can’t function properly without 10-12 hours sleep, putting on weight from comfort eating, aching body 24/7, wanting to spend more time alone, getting stressed when there isn’t silence/peace and no longer see a future for myself. It’s been over a year now since I was diagnosed and sometimes I think I’m getting better and then I’ll have a breakdown over something silly and feel like I’m at the start all over again. Sometimes I even get new symptoms, like heightened anxiety out of the blue. You can’t see depression. You can’t see any mental health issues, and I think that causes a stigma in itself.

You don’t know who has it. People don’t know how to deal with it, people don’t understand how someone can be fine one minute and on the very edge the next day. You never know who is walking around with what. That’s why it’s so important to be honest and open about it, to end the stigmas and to make the perception of them less scary and hushed up. Because adding shame about a mental health issue is just adding one more weight to the pile that none of us need.” - @jewellery_by_eilatan