mental health Sundays #9 - my therapist abused me

MENTAL HEALTH SUNDAYS 💭

My therapist abused me...and the California Board of Behavioral Sciences decided to do nothing about it.

In 2018, I was at the lowest point of my entire life. After three years of battling chronic illness and the suicides of some people close to me, I felt that I was at my breaking point. If I didn’t get help soon, I was going to die.

I found a therapist near me, who assured me that she was experienced in treating suicidal ideation and that she could help me.

It wasn’t long before this therapist insisted on talking to me every day, multiple times a day. She isolated me from everyone in my life (including telling me that I shouldn’t go to my dad’s wedding, even though we have a great relationship), insisting that she was the only therapist in LA who could help me. She told me repeatedly that she loved me, that she knew that she was meant to save my life. She badmouthed my family, my friends, and my husband, planting the seeds in my head that they didn’t care about me. Whenever I said that this kind of “therapy” didn’t feel right, she gaslighted me and told me she knew what she was talking about. Whenever I disagreed with her, she shamed me, making me feel stupid and unqualified to understand my own feelings. She kept me in her office for hours and hours at a time, telling me that she didn’t trust me. She encouraged me to doctor shop for Xanax, even though both me and my husband raised concerns that I was becoming addicted to the drug. She told me that it didn’t matter, because a Xanax overdose wouldn’t kill me anyway. She did not hospitalize me even when I had two suicide attempts (that she knew about). She said if I wasn’t suicidal she wouldn’t care as much about me. She texted me all day everyday, sending me gifs and telling me that she cared more about me than anyone else did.

I was sick and I believed her.

Then one evening we had a disagreement on the phone. Suddenly, she turned cold toward me. Though for six months she insisted on talking to me at every hour of the day, now she didn’t have time for me. I spiraled quickly, descending into a dark suicidal episode.

I called her as she had instructed me to do for six months. I told her I was going to kill myself. I meant it. She hung up on me. My husband and my friends came to the rescue.

The next day, in her office, she told me that she was terminating me effective immediately. She offered no follow-up care and gave me useless references, as none of those therapists were taking new clients. She told me I was ruining her marriage. She said that I was using her as a suicide hotline (even though SHE insisted we have that much contact, even though I felt uncomfortable with it, and told me to always call her at any hour of the day).

Then she kicked me out into the street, knowing full well that I had fantasies of getting hit by a car.

Had it not been for @kevilletefishpicking up the pieces and staying on the phone with me until my husband came to pick me up, I would’ve ran into traffic. I would probably be dead.

I already had ptsd, and this increased it a thousand fold. There is so much more. So much. I provided the BBS with six months worth of extremely incriminating text messages, call logs, and emails. Six months ago they told me they had more than enough evidence to go forward. Why aren’t they doing anything about it?